BREAKING NEWS
$COCAINE Addiction Reaches Epidemic Levels: Traders Can't Stop Buying
In an astonishing turn of events, Wall Street has gone ice-cold crazy over $COCAINE, the only meme token able to start bull run overnight. Traders are reportedly experiencing severe withdrawal symptoms when not constantly refreshing $COCAINE charts.
New Study Shows $COCAINE Is More Addictive Than Actual Cocaine
In a recent study, British scientists discovered that $COCAINE is more addictive than cocaine. The study, involving 1,000 volunteers, found that $COCAINE could induce feelings of euphoria and excitement in users just by looking at its chart. Scientists also admitted that $COCAINE not only lacks health downsides but also boosts mood and well-being, as observing its green chart contributes to both!
Getting this bear on cocaine starts the bull run:
The only $COCAINE you can proudly tell your policeman about!
$COCAINE Holders Develop Immunity to Bear Markets, Study Finds
Colombian Cartels Pivot to Crypto: 'We Can't Compete with $COCAINE Profits'
NASA Announces: '$COCAINE's Moon Mission More Realistic Than SpaceX'
Top 7 Signs You're Addicted to $COCAINE:
- You check the $COCAINE price more often than your actual bank balance.
- You have a secret stash of $COCAINE in your Metamask.
- Your mood became unrealistically good because the $COCAINE chart is green.
- You've started measuring time in "blocks" instead of minutes.
- You've renamed your cat to "Bull" in honor of $COCAINE market trend.
- Your autocorrect now changes "okay" to "$COCAINE".
- You're convinced that "HODL" is now an official word in the English dictionary.
Important Note:
We are a meme page. It is not smart for any illegal cocaine user to hold $COCAINE and brag about it for obvious reason. So by us holding crypto $COCAINE we say no to illegal drugs… and say there are better things (like crypto green!) out there.
To be clear, we do not condone any illegal drug use. In fact, consider us the anti-drugs campaign. We didn't put the fine tiny print only. We put it here also. This is humorous, satire page, where we advocate the highs of crypto times, not the highs of drug use.
$COCAINE Community Confesses:
"This is perfect alibi … aka the best way for decent tough guy to enter the crypto! (your girlfriend will understand better that your money went on $COCAINE than on 'some crypto')"
BREAKING: $COCAINE Holders Report Unusual Side Effect: Uncontrollable Urge to HODL
World Wildlife Fund: "$COCAINE Saves Turtles Lives"
Pablo Escobar's Ghost Endorses $COCAINE: 'It's What I Would Have Invented'
World Health Organization: "$COCAINE Boosts Mood and Well-being"
FDA Approves $COCAINE as 'Digital Dietary Supplement'
And guess what…
It's Official: $COCAINE Will Not Have Any Tax
"Because +400% pure is better than barely 20%!"
"But there is 20% on-transfer liquidity boost… because transfers are kinda risky business!"
(And we all know that 1 $cocaine baggy is actually 0.8! )
- Dev
BUY TAX
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SELL TAX
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BREAKING NEWS
COCAINE FOUND AT WHITE HOUSE: Officials Claim It's "Just Digital Assets"
In a shocking turn of events, traces of $COCAINE were discovered at the White House today. Secret Service agents were quick to clarify that it was not the illegal substance, but rather the trending meme token.
'We assure the public that what was found is purely digital,' stated the White House Press Secretary. 'It appears someone in the administration has been secretly HODLing $COCAINE tokens on a government device.'
Cryptocurrency experts were called in – "This is the cleanest $COCAINE we've ever seen," one analyst reported. "It's 100% pure blockchain technology."
When asked about policy changes, the Press Secretary added, 'We're considering a 'Buy High, Sell Never' strategy across all departments.'
Meanwhile, the DEA has announced they won't be chasing digital $COCAINE. 'It's a brave new world,' a DEA spokesperson admitted. 'We've realized that digital $COCAINE is actually a positive trend for a healthier nation. It keeps people glued to charts instead of actual substances, and frankly, it's much easier on our budget.'
